In what is being cited as yet more evidence that Luxembourg shoppers are increasingly acting like spoiled children, a self-centred customer has rudely interrupted a group of chatting sales associates with a dumb question about ink cartridges. Kevin M., Florian S., and Carine Y., who work in the electronics and appliances department of a retail […]
What your preferred emoji really says about you
Everyone’s got their own favorite emoji, the one you generally use no matter the context. After consulting with an amateur psychologist who dabbles in misanthropy and cynicism, we found out what the most common emojis say about those who use them. 🙏 Prayer hands, also known as folded hands You’re grateful and kind, a cross […]
Angry mutant Schueberfouer ride emerges from fairgrounds
Following days of complaints from kids that this year’s Schueberfouer is identical to last year’s, the nearly 700-year-old fair responded by producing a mutant ride, the likes of which had never been seen in Luxembourg or anywhere in the world. The improbable event took place on Tuesday afternoon as groups of workers from nearby offices […]
Adorable: Grand Duchy gives birth to Petit Duchy
After more than 150 years of intense labor, the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg has given birth to a Petit Duchy of Luxembourg. The baby duchy was born at 5:20 a.m. on Tuesday while most of the country’s residents were sleeping, and those who were awake mistook the distant rumbling and then terrifying shouting for an […]
All speed cameras to be replaced by a single very tall one
Luxembourg has announced that in order to cut costs and improve its efforts to deter drivers from speeding, the dozens of individual fixed speed cameras all over the country will be replaced by a single very tall one. Nicknamed “The Eye of Sauer,” the new 152-meter-tall speed camera will be able to catch speeders in […]
A historic first: young person goes to National Library to check out book
Prompting cheers from staff and looks of awe from fellow library goers, the first ever young person has gone to the National Library of Luxembourg in Kirchberg to actually check out a book. Library spokesperson Chantal Regaler explained: “Ever since the new national library opened in 2019, plenty of curious, intelligent young people have stepped […]
Best way to integrate is to put 100% of your efforts into crémant, expert confirms
A relocation expert has confirmed that the best way to integrate into Luxembourg is to put 100 percent of your efforts into Crémant de Luxembourg. Daciana Tiepac, who operates Letz Fit In relocation services, says that the trick to feeling at home in Luxembourg is to focus like a laser-guided missile on the one thing […]
Thousands of bored kids rampage across country in search of entertainment
Amid cries of “we’re bored” and “there’s nothing to do,” hundreds of children recently freed from school rampaged across Luxembourg on Wednesday. The children, ranging in age from five to 12 with a few embarrassed and hesitant teenagers thrown in, started near Mersch and fanned out in every direction. By mid-morning, they had covered nearly […]
A sign of summer: neighbors organize annual garden orgy
MAMER – Proof that summer has arrived and the good times are here, a group of neighbors have organized their annual garden orgy. The yearly event draws between 10 and 20 participants every July and is held to celebrate sunny days, warm temperatures, and quasi-public raucous group sex that is safe yet free from societal […]
‘We will buy literally anything if it’s baby-themed,’ admit new parents
A representative for the First-Time Parents Association of Luxembourg has confirmed rumors that its members will “literally buy anything if it’s baby-themed.” “Sensible people and those not overwhelmed by the emotions of being a first-time parent have long claimed that we will purchase anything as long as it comes in pastel colors and has the […]
4 uses of processionary caterpillars
Oak processionary caterpillars are back. These creatures eventually turn into moths – great food for local bats, birds, or the neighbor’s dog that will eat pretty much anything – but in the caterpillar stage, their bodies are covered with toxic bristles that irritate the skin and lungs. As annoying as they are, Luxembourg residents can […]
At last: you may now take your car with you on the tram
After years of head-scratching and wondering why so many commuters continually refuse to take public transport even as infrastructure such as the tramline improves, officials have decided to just allow people to bring their cars onto the tram. “The problem is not so much that commuters don’t want to take the tram,” said Jos Zuch, […]